Radiant

Today I woke up around noon which, all things considered, was a great time. After I shaved, showered, and made a salad for lunch, I ended up feeling uncharacteristically energetic for some reason, so I ended up straightening up my room. I actually have a floor now, and while every piece of furniture in here is a complete clutter, I hope to be fixing that in the coming days. An organized living space may be the key to organized living.


Aside from that I ended up playing a lot of Call of Duty today. Maybe a bit too much. Perhaps I need to take a break from the consistent video game playing. As addicting as Call of Duty is, it often frustrates me to the point of no end, and takes a lot of time out of my day. That's time I could be spent reading, or god help me, writing.

That's really it. Simple day. I ate well, drank nothing but water, and hopefully I repeat this all tomorrow.

Momentum

Today was slow but I got everything off to a decent start. Maybe not the one I wanted, but I understand that even I will give into temptations


I didn't run today, but I intend on doing it on Wednesday. Instead I slept in and went to Barnes and Noble to spend the change on my Christmas gift cards. I picked up part one of The Divine Comedy and an anthology of stories by Franz Kafka. I wanted food really bad but wanted to remain healthy so I ended up deciding on a Wawa hoagie. Ideally I wouldn't even touch Wawa, but I assume it's better than McDonalds. As a reaction to my Wawa treat I went to the ACME and got two bags of salad (two for $5. Awesome) so I won't go out tomorrow.

Aside from that my friend ended up coming over. This no social life thing is definitely going to be harder than I thought and will be the factor that makes or break me. On the plus side when we went to Walmart I denied a cigarette, so I guess that's good. We basically played Call of Duty and watched wrestling. Even if I'm trying to cut back on my social life for a while a day like that can't be too detrimental.

When my friend left I ended up writing a piece for the Digital Lobsters blog for everyone to read. which is good because that means I'm writing again. This blog hardly counts as writing because I'm basically telling what I did throughout the course of the day. Writing requires structure, layout, thought, and in the other blog's case, wit. Blogging today was a great thing, but it's kept me up until 2:00 AM when I wanted to make a 12:30 AM bedtime.

So basically;

Good things -

• I refused a cigarette
• I actually wrote something, which, you know, a writer should do
• I ate a hoagie all day, which is kind of healthy
  

Bad things -

• I still ate what I consider fast food. A Wawa hoagie isn't the worst thing in the world but it's certainly not the best. I also ended up buying a Coke when my friend and I went to 7-11. I need to work on weaning myself off bad diet choices
• I never exercised today
• I'm up way too late

Three bad things, three good things. This gives me things to be happy about and things to work on.


I'm gaining momentum.

Astinus

There's no point in introducing this. Ideally only I will end up reading this so what's the point? This is my chronicle of personal change. I don't like the way I am. I'm unhealthy, unfocused, unorganized, and unhappy. My only option is to do a total overhaul of who I am and what I do.

After a long time thinking about it and delaying it I've decided the only way I can achieve any sense of change is to become a social hermit. Aside from my family, work, education, and extremely close friends, I will spend time with no one. I've determined that the need for social interaction has essentially driven my life and has become my life rather than become a part of my life. The desire to constantly be out socializing has gotten in the way of my health and desires to accomplish other things, and that has resulted in me being unhappy.

The reason I'm choosing to cast away from anyone who could possibly support me with this is because they won't. It's not that they will knowingly not support me, but rather their lifestyle with affect mine. Any socialization as an eighteen year old male living in New Jersey revolves around smoking tobacco, drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana, and an unhealthy diet consisting of too many energy drinks / soda, fast food, and late night snaking. My will, sadly, is not made of the steel I wish it was and because of that I activly engage in all of this even though I know I shouldn't. The only course of action here is simple; If I don't socialize I don't do any of that. Being home or by myself will eliminate those distractions.


As of today I declare myself temporarily straight-edge as well as sexually celibate. As part of trying to regain any sense of self-happiness I must cleanse my body and learn to live without these vices before I'm ready to let them back into my life in a balanced manner.


For the time being this means;

• No alcohol
• No tobacco
• No marijuana
• No sex
• No socialization
• No more going out for food. Either it's in my fridge or nonexistent
• A 12:30 bedtime
• No social networking (Facebook)
  

With these distractions eliminated I can get on task to bettering myself and find a way to slowly let these vices back into my life. I'm not aiming to eliminate all of the above, rather control it. This entire process is about balance.


My life currently lacks a balance.