Astinus

There's no point in introducing this. Ideally only I will end up reading this so what's the point? This is my chronicle of personal change. I don't like the way I am. I'm unhealthy, unfocused, unorganized, and unhappy. My only option is to do a total overhaul of who I am and what I do.

After a long time thinking about it and delaying it I've decided the only way I can achieve any sense of change is to become a social hermit. Aside from my family, work, education, and extremely close friends, I will spend time with no one. I've determined that the need for social interaction has essentially driven my life and has become my life rather than become a part of my life. The desire to constantly be out socializing has gotten in the way of my health and desires to accomplish other things, and that has resulted in me being unhappy.

The reason I'm choosing to cast away from anyone who could possibly support me with this is because they won't. It's not that they will knowingly not support me, but rather their lifestyle with affect mine. Any socialization as an eighteen year old male living in New Jersey revolves around smoking tobacco, drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana, and an unhealthy diet consisting of too many energy drinks / soda, fast food, and late night snaking. My will, sadly, is not made of the steel I wish it was and because of that I activly engage in all of this even though I know I shouldn't. The only course of action here is simple; If I don't socialize I don't do any of that. Being home or by myself will eliminate those distractions.


As of today I declare myself temporarily straight-edge as well as sexually celibate. As part of trying to regain any sense of self-happiness I must cleanse my body and learn to live without these vices before I'm ready to let them back into my life in a balanced manner.


For the time being this means;

• No alcohol
• No tobacco
• No marijuana
• No sex
• No socialization
• No more going out for food. Either it's in my fridge or nonexistent
• A 12:30 bedtime
• No social networking (Facebook)
  

With these distractions eliminated I can get on task to bettering myself and find a way to slowly let these vices back into my life. I'm not aiming to eliminate all of the above, rather control it. This entire process is about balance.


My life currently lacks a balance.